Mandan News

Dan Ulmer: How ’bout this weather?

Okay, so after a last week’s lecture on liberalism and conservatism I thought that I would delve into something more mystical this week… the weather around here. Whodda ever thought that we’d see 60 degrees above zero in January?  Sixty below yes, but 60 above never ever since I been here. Makes me think that global warming thing might not be too bad a deal – but then again, if the rest of it comes true it’s too bad about the kids’ future.

This type of weather is not good for our reputation, as there are folks all over the world who think North Dakota is a frozen snow covered blank slate. And since we locals have been known to think that 40 below keeps the riff raff out, the riff raff might change their mind about staying out. Of course, there are also lotsa folk who think that 40 below has trapped the riff raff here, but I resemble that remark so I won’t go into that.

It’s hard to realize that last year at this time we were up to our necks in snow and flood and rain, and this year our beloved prairie is brown and dry as popcorn flatulence. Although some of us drug out our snow removal equipment, most of us seemed to know that it would melt in short order and have ignored the measly snow falls we’ve had so far. However, this has been a great winter for the car wash business, as the little snow we’ve had comes and goes, and each time it melts our vehicles are covered in mud and road salt and need washing…

I’m not complaining, just wondering how long we have before I gotta put the liner back in my parka and find my stocking hat and gloves. And, as either of my loyal readers will tell you, once I have to wear all this winter gear I will likely return to complaining about the cold and my longing for spring.

Life in winter kinda makes me feel like an old bear  All I want to do is hang around my cave, eat, peruse the internet, watch movies, read, and hibernate in hopes that it won’t be too long before I can play outside again.

Most of us locals acclimate and tolerate our weather, so winter is just part of life on the northern prairie. We also know that complaining about the weather won’t change the weather but we still do it because we all know there are days around here when the weather gets so bad that all we can do is seek shelter and complain about it.

And for those of you still wondering why we engage in such frivolity, I think I’ve found the answer… there ain’t much else to do in the winter besides stay indoors and wish you could go outdoors. Thus, our confused state this year as we’ve all put away all our outdoor stuff, moved indoors, and assumed our normal winter routines.

So this warm January has thrown us tundra folk for a loop as we can actually go outside and stay outside for a while… as opposed to bundling up we’ve dressed down, where we usually hustle from our vehicles to shelter we can walk leisurely from our cars to our destination…. and this is unusual behavior for we natives.

Thus we aren’t complaining because as each day in January passes spring gets one day closer. However, we also realize that winter is a long ways from over and payback is likely…. therefore rather than sitting there reading this stuff I’d suggest you get out there and enjoy this fluky weather before it all collapses again and we can’t get out of our caves. Stay warm, payback’s likely on its way…