Mandan News

Dan Ulmer: Catching up with the flu

Nothing more distracting than a spring cold, especially if you haven’t had a cold for a couple of years. My coffee klatchers will affirm that it’s somewhat of a rare occasion when someone around our house isn’t busy trying to pass off the pass around flu.

Either of my loyal readers may recall the time when I revealed my secret to avoiding this pesky flu right here on these pages. Then again, maybe they won’t, so I’ll fill ya’ in. The secret was to carry a can of Lysol Disinfectant wipes. Every time I touched something that someone else might have touched I’d wipe it before using and wipe my hands off after using it. If the object got too close to my face I wiped my face with the dang things. At first the smell kinda got to me, but the label on the can said it killed viruses… so I wiped away.

Well, wouldn’t you know, the pass around flu came by again and everybody in the house was on some sort of medication… except me. As I look back I had let my guard down… and feeling invincible I neglected the Lysol wipes…

Out of the blue a deep sneeze erupted and another and another and an hour later my brain seemed to be absconding thru my nose, my eyes burned, and I spent the weekend moaning and complaining and blowing my nose.

After rubbing my nose raw with papers towels I realized that this cold was for real. I immediately headed to the store and picked up a box of moisturized Kleenex. The box didn’t last long.

I’d stuff a wad of Kleenex in my pocket and pluck them out as needed. Then, since I had no other place to dispose of them, I stuffed them in my other pocket. By the end of the day at least one pocket was stuffed with used Kleenex.

The sad part here is that by the end of the day I was also too tired to do much more than disrobe, toss my pants in the hamper, and go to bed… and that’s what I did for four days.

Sundays are my laundry day; yep, as a result of a marriage vow gone awry I do my own laundry. I’ve never really mastered that color thing but I do the best I can. It took me awhile to remember to zip up the zippers and check all the pockets and such, but I’ve been at this for years… and well, there are times when I don’t do so well.

Like last weekend when I felt the pockets of four pairs of pants and they seemed empty until they were washed and dried and a week’s worth of Kleenex blew up in both the washer and drier, and oh my, was I on the list around here.

I may have survived the worst of the pass around flu, but obviously one of its symptoms lingered awhile longer than I anticipated. After a week of blowing my nose the washer and dryer were thickly laced with thousands of shreds of Kleenex. It wasn’t a pretty sight.

Here’s hoping the pass around flu passes you by and that you check your pockets before you do your laundry… and, as usual, if you make any money with this idea I expect my normal 10 percent override…